I didn't even think about going. I do love seeing the pictures to see what people look like now. Most I wouldn't know if I walked past them in the street. I can't even remember why I know some of their names or what they looked like then. I'm fairly positive they wouldn't recognize me either. It's nothing personal...we've all changed and grown up. Some are probably doing what they planned on doing. Others have taken a path they didn't see coming. I figure that was 4 years out of my life. It didn't really define me. I know people who think those were the best years of their lives. They weren't my best years. I was still trying to figure out how to get out...it wasn't anyone's fault. I just didn't feel like that was my place. It was just a place holder for what was to come. I'm actually pretty sure I would like some of these people now...even the ones who didn't talk to me then. I was just another geek....not popular, not athletic, not particularly talented in anything particular. I was just another kid. It was only after college and after my determination to move to California, that life took on meaning.
I don't look on those times as particularly bad or good or anything really. Some of those people in high school did make a difference in me. I remember the things they taught me in those reliable ways of social interaction. I don't particularly like who I was then, but to wish that I had been something different or more is rather silly when I look at where my life is now. I've met quite a few of my old high school "friends" on facebook this year. It has been a nice experience for the most part. It's fun and I'm really appreciating these distant friendships!
I am happy. Could I have been happy there...maybe. What matters is who I am now and my wonderful family.
It would have been fun to have gone to the "party" but in the end, a trip 1800 miles away doesn't make sense to me...give me another 20 years and we'll talk!
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