Rabbit Holes and Fairy Tales

Can you think of one great Irish artist?  Off the top of my head I can't.  I can think of a few writers, does that count?  Now, the interesting thing about this, is that there are some people that will think I am talking derogatorily about the Irish because they are not on my radar artistically speaking.  They might even say, because I can't come up with an Irish artist, that I am speaking badly about the Irish.  It is all about perception. 

As a conservative I have been called many names as a result of my opinions:  Repukelican, Fascist, Idiot, Uninformed, Ignorant,  just to name a few. I'm hardly a speaker for the Republican Party.  That's up to them to do.  What I dislike, is that if I have a particular point of view, I can't have that discussion without having to explain that just because I stand for a conservative issue, that I am not rich,  I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh, I'm not a colorless cardboard cutout that spouts party policy, and I don't think the way I do because someone told me to.  In fact I have to tell you I'm reading a lot right now in order to understand what is being said and am trying to stay informed. 

So let's go through it...I'm not rich.  I wasn't born to rich parents.  My dad has an amazing story of being brought up in poverty, parents never owning a home, and buying houses to rent to the less fortunate when we finally got our own home...but that's another story.  He went into the military before I was born and we lived in a tiny little trailer off base.  We lived in a trailer until I was in 1st grade when my dad went to college the only way they could afford it: the GI bill, which he worked for.  We lived in a trailer until we moved to a home that had remained empty for some time and had most of the windows broken out.  My parents fixed the house enough that we could live in it while they worked to keep the cars going and the utilities paid.   It was during this time that they were working about 80 hrs a week to keep up the rentals for the less fortunate, not usually making more than what the mortgages were.  They did save enough money to buy some property and built a house on it.  My parents, myself,  and a few of my dads students built the house because they couldn't afford to have someone else do the project.  I did get to go to college with help from my parents and loans.  I know it wasn't easy but they always put me first so that I wouldn't have to do what they did.

I'm not rich now.  We live in a modest home which was in such bad shape we couldn't even live in it for the first 6 months and have continued to renovate it for the last 9 yrs.  My husband is currently laid off.  We have one child because that is what we could afford.  I drive an 11 yr old car which I'm not complaining about because I have a car.  We have under $1500 in credit card debt because we chose not to have cards. We put our daughter in private school out of necessity not desire because even though we couldn't really afford it, it was the right thing to do for her.

I don't currently listen to Rush Limbaugh.  I did use to listen to Rush sometime in the 90's.  I thought he was entertaining and had some very valid ideas.  I already believed most of the things he had to say, so it was nice to know someone else was out there.  To be honest I have gotten more out of Dr. Laura and continue to listen to her today.

I'm not a colorless cardboard cutout that spouts party policy.  I'm a conservative person with conservative ideas.   I can't imagine that anyone could agree with everything the party that best describes them says, is 100% correct.  If they do, they don't research and are taking things on blind faith.  I choose to know what I think, not what the party thinks.  Didn't your dad ever tell you that "just because someone jumps off a bridge, doesn't mean you have to"?  So no, I don't think anything because someone else told me it is right.

I don't believe in the healthcare bill not because I'm a Republican, but because I don't like what it says.  I don't want our government any more powerful than it currently is.  They already own more than they should as a government.  I didn't like some of George Bush's policies and I don't like most of Barack Obama's policies.   I have an opinion and just because mine is not yours, does not make us mortal enemy's.  I won't call you names if you don't call me names...agreed?

Walking with the Dinosaurs

This was a really wonderful show.  I don't know if it was fortunate or not that we sat in front of a 3 yr old and a 4 or 5 yr old behind us.  The 3 yr old had memorized various dinosaurs and was announcing them as they came out in such a large voice that I am almost positive they heard him 30 rows down.  I was slightly annoyed at first that the parents didn't restrain him a bit but it turned out to be really cute and a bit of a blessing to hear his exclaims of excitement!  Sarah really enjoyed it and I'm so happy that Tracy insisted that we spend the money in spite of my concerns about spending it!  I'm just learning how to post pictures but I'll try!

Have you ever......

I can talk here so freely...that and chat where no one else hears my words.  It's funny how media has made us feel like we are so able to put our thoughts out there because we assume no one is really reading. I think, with a few exceptions, that may be true.

It's driving me crazy that I can't tell anyone we are selling the house.  Actually I'm talking to people whenever they ask directly, but I can't shout it from the rooftops because Tracy hasn't mentioned it to his family yet.  The funny thing is, I'm not exactly sure why.  We talk about it and he seems to be very sure of the decision to move away.  We rarely see them and most communication is on the phone or through text messaging or instant message.  It seems to me, that past the one time a year that we gather, they don't know where we live anyway.  In fact none of his 8 siblings have even been to our house now that I think about it.  Still, it is for him to break the news....maybe he is hoping they will nurture some regret that they haven't tried to spend more time with us...maybe they would even be sad that they haven't taken the time to know Sarah better?  Having had no siblings I'm not sure about that whole "sibling" thing.  They are entirely differently people....we are conservative, they are liberals.  It's not just the political thing, it's the social thing.  Maybe we just don't seem that "fun". 

I can't wait to get out of "sin" city.  It's actually far from "sinful" in the area we live in.  When you go 45 minutes off the strip, it's just a bunch of families trying to get away from the craziness.  I won't miss it...well, maybe I'll miss the moderate temperatures all year long.

This is a scattered, brain twisting way of saying I'm just ready to be on a new path.  I'm sorry to not be able to see friends and family here, but it is how it is.  I can't make it any different just because I have tried to make it so.  Come on house.....sell today so we can start!

Rewards

I was listening to Dr. Laura today discuss a study that show how extrinsic rewards change intrinsic rewards. The theory is that external rewards can replace your internal values to the point that you'll no longer do what you valued without external payment or reward of some type.

 

This study showed that unexpected rewards are better than expected rewards. They took children who liked to draw and put them in three groups. The groups were as follows:

Group 1 were told they'd get a reward for drawing

Group 2 were not told they'd get a reward but got a surprise reward when they were done

Group 3 were not given anything

 

Then they watched the children over the next few days and discovered that those who had received the expected reward drew the least while those who had received the unexpected reward drew the most. (Even though there were now no rewards promised nor given.)

This would mean that unexpected rewards after the work has been done would be the most motivational. I need to think about this since I have been trying to motivate the kidlet by offering her a reward for a good grade in a class she has been struggling with….hmmmm

I Walked Back Into the Past for a Minute

Yesterday, I asked an old friend from the past to be my "friend" on facebook. We used to date for a brief minute after college and before my grown up move to California. I still have pictures of us in some box. Not too many, because I just didn't take that many pictures then. I did tell my husband that I would be adding him. We don't have the kind of relationship that makes that uncomfortable. He gets that I just want to connect with people...not look back with longing. I frankly, cannot imagine my life with anyone else!

So, today we became "friends". It made me happy to see that I could now update myself on where people are. The funny part was that he didn't even remember who I was. He was instant messaging me and I could tell from the probing questions that he wasn't sure where we'd met...and I was really amused because I thought I was a bit more memorable than that! As things progressed I put a link to an old picture from those days in the message and it suddenly clicked for him. The tone of the conversation changed entirely and he was the guy I remembered. We chatted just long enough for me to figure out that he is still single...still sings but not enough to make much money....and is still on the search for the "right girl". Things really don't change for some people, do they?

Connecting and Reconnecting

Facebook has become an interesting link for me this last couple of years.  I used to write in my Xanga as if it were an online diary...sure that no one would really care what was going on in my head, let enough in my internal dialog.  In reaching out and talking to people a bit more, it occurs to me that I'm a little bit internalized...and that I can be out there having conversations.  I still find me a bit boring but some people, are in part I suppose, slightly amused to hear what's coming out of my internal conversations.The thing about Facebook is that you appear slightly random if people aren't walking around with you.  I say something that is relevant to my day at that second.  This "randomness" is what makes it so interesting.  That being said, it's also necessary for me to have my bits of online "diary" space just to have these conversations in my head OUT of my head.  I doubt any but a given few will even want to venture in and see what really goes on here. 

A couple of people have recently said to me that they don't really understand why you would want to blog.  Who really wants to know what your everyday life is like?  To be honest, I can't think why anyone would want to listen to my crazy ramblings.  It's more a place for me to connect to my thoughts and reconnect with some things that matter to me.  I've always been a person who likes to write.  This may explain why I took all the creative writing classes in college in order to not use them....I need to write down things to make sense of them I suppose.

So, if you have accidentally found your way here I welcome you presence into my corner. Sit back and enjoy the ramblings of a "normal" mom and wife...or maybe this just proves that I am not quite as normal as you thought?

Old friends....

Tracy found an old address book of mine from the late 80's. I don't remember 1/2 of the people in there...some brought back some memory's that I had totally let go of in the pursuit of my life. I actually tried to pull up some of them on Facebook but most don't have profiles. I wonder what happened to them. I wonder if they have even thought of me.....