So now it begins

I'm thankful to be selling our house right now.  I know that's kind of backward from where most people expect us to be, but I think it's the right time.  It's the wrong time for making money...we'll be lucky to pull out with our shirts....but we will start a new adventure.  Adventure is good.  We get to step out of ourselves and our comfort zone and start something totally fresh.  We get to "redefine".  I told Sarah the other day that the most interesting thing about starting a new school is you can "redefine" what you want people to see about you.  It occurs to me that Tracy and I can do the same if we so choose.  I imagine we are who we are but it doesn't hurt to give it a shot to try some new things and embrace a new "culture". 

Do you sometime think you may be a bit deluded to believe that you are following a path that no one else can see?  I believe with my whole heart that God has a plan for us that might very well include this time and this move.  The fact that we are planning this move away from family and friends makes it more difficult but definitely not prohibitive.  We will have new friends, meet new people, and meet some family we don't know.  Life has a way of working out....even if it's not the way you had it pictured when you were 10 :)

Have you ever......

I can talk here so freely...that and chat where no one else hears my words.  It's funny how media has made us feel like we are so able to put our thoughts out there because we assume no one is really reading. I think, with a few exceptions, that may be true.

It's driving me crazy that I can't tell anyone we are selling the house.  Actually I'm talking to people whenever they ask directly, but I can't shout it from the rooftops because Tracy hasn't mentioned it to his family yet.  The funny thing is, I'm not exactly sure why.  We talk about it and he seems to be very sure of the decision to move away.  We rarely see them and most communication is on the phone or through text messaging or instant message.  It seems to me, that past the one time a year that we gather, they don't know where we live anyway.  In fact none of his 8 siblings have even been to our house now that I think about it.  Still, it is for him to break the news....maybe he is hoping they will nurture some regret that they haven't tried to spend more time with us...maybe they would even be sad that they haven't taken the time to know Sarah better?  Having had no siblings I'm not sure about that whole "sibling" thing.  They are entirely differently people....we are conservative, they are liberals.  It's not just the political thing, it's the social thing.  Maybe we just don't seem that "fun". 

I can't wait to get out of "sin" city.  It's actually far from "sinful" in the area we live in.  When you go 45 minutes off the strip, it's just a bunch of families trying to get away from the craziness.  I won't miss it...well, maybe I'll miss the moderate temperatures all year long.

This is a scattered, brain twisting way of saying I'm just ready to be on a new path.  I'm sorry to not be able to see friends and family here, but it is how it is.  I can't make it any different just because I have tried to make it so.  Come on house.....sell today so we can start!

Can I Get Out Of Here Yet?

I've become convinced that we should move out of Vegas. It's not a good place for bringing up Sarah. I would love to go back to California but I'm fairly sure we can't afford it in the areas we would like to go. It's difficult to think about moving when we live close enough to Tracy's parent and sisters now, but won't if we take off in a new direction. My parents will go where we do. I'm not sure they want to but they will to be near us. We've made friends here. There is a much larger Christian community than I would ever have guessed here in Vegas. Until this year, I didn't love Sarah's education but I didn't hate it. Now, I hate it. I understand public education is what it is but I swear she has learned very little this year and is still having a rough time. It concerns me that we will have to start her in a place that has a better education system. Sarah actually offered to go back a year in school if we moved. She wants desperately to move out of Las Vegas. It seems sad that even a 6th grader sees what we see. We've been seriously talking about putting the house up for sale for just a little over what we owe, just to get out of here. We are looking at Texas for various reasons. Many of those reasons revolve around the education and social environment. I wish we had input but hesitate to bring too much up until we are sure. Hmmm, rambling today. Maybe I need to focus?
Originally posted on Facebook 2/24/10

A Prayer for Direction

We started this discussion on my profile on Facebook and I just wasn't feeling comfortable with it being out there until decisions were made so I'll place it here for "comment"....

A couple of weeks ago Tracy prayed for direction. I don't know the exact words of the prayer, but I know that he told God to take our lives in His hands and do what He thought was best for our lives. It was the next day that Tracy got laid off work. We are not sad...God is taking us in a direction.

We've been talking for the last 4 years about making a move out of the state. I've been feeling like Texas was feeling like a fit for our values and life style. We loved living in Southern California, but based on the current work and housing environment it seems unwise to return.

If we do leave Las Vegas, we are looking for a great place to be for a really long time. I want family close. Sarah needs family. I would like great school systems and great local colleges for her to attend. It has been too much to ask for in Nevada. It can't be too much to ask where we end up. Tracy needs to find work that feeds his soul...and his family. Do I want to go back to full time work...not really. I think it is even more important that I am there every day after school making sure she always know we are there and paying attention. I'm smart enough, I'll find some way to keep being a wife and mom at home as much as possible. They deserve that.

Will we move on or will we stay...I'm not sure but I guess I'm looking for pro's and con's. I think God will show us a path but we get to choose, because that's we were are given: free will

Thank you God
Original post to Facebook 2/22/10